Sieg Heil, Heidi Klum…

October 2, 2009 at 8:52 am (Entertainers / Entertainment) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

To My Dearest Sister Heidi,

Now that ANTM Cycle 3.14 has wrapped, I’ve had a few moments to catch up on Project Runway.  I really, really appreciate the stunning conceptual designs and all, but as for you and your judgmental ways, Klum, they are one big, hot, messed-up mess, girlfriend!!!

Listen, Heidi, I totally get that you landed the hostess part for your looks, and not for your wisdom or ability to pronounce words that begin with R. But let’s get real, you and your fellow judges are down-right nasty to those poor designers!  You and that old lesbian Michael Kors laugh wickedly at the contestants even as you critique them so harshly.

Those clothing designers are fragile souls, and still you choose to shatter their fragility even more with your producer-approved snarkiness.  Do you even get how hard it is to sketch and sew a black-leather sweater-vest?  Or how difficult it is to make something from Macy’s look good?  I didn’t think so.  I mean, look at you.  Only thing you know how to make is a littler nose.  Oh, snap!

I would wecommend you focus on how to pronounce Project Wunway, as well as how to treat your designers with more care and grace.  Don’t you watch the parts of your show with Tim Gunn?

Anyways, I stand here before you, asking you to consider showing the kind of compassion we put on display at the CW.  I believe we, as uber-super-models, have the really unique ability to improve lives and spread knowledge to those less fortunate than ourselves.  When we share our experiences, Heidi, then we share our love.

See you at fashion week, gorgeous.    ; )

Hugs & Bulimia,

.

~ Tyra

7 Comments

  1. Denise said,

    You’re being awfully hard on poor Heidi, now aren’t you? I mean after years of being paid millions to parade around in the absolute CRAP they call “haute couture”, she’s earned the right to call ‘em how she sees ‘em (although I am eternaly baffled as to how she could award Daniel the title in the All-Star challenge – women would not prefer Korto’s tasteful clothing over dresses that look like they were made for a relaxing day of suicide-bombing in Beruit? REALLY?).
    As for that cruel old lesbian Michael Kors……..well, at least he doesn’t make Heidi’s judging panel look like a bad road production of “To Wong Foo”………. taking modeling advice from unattractive drag queens is like taking racial sensitivity training from an active KKK member. Tim Gunn rules, though I would like to just just once see him totally wig out and tell someone when their design is total shit, rip it off the manequin, stomp on it, and then calmly tell them to F*** Auf. That would be the bomb!
    Don’t hate on the uber-super models, man…..by standing for hours in lingerie and bikinis on beautiful-but-freezing beaches for ridiculous amounts of money, they have improved the lives of millions! Who needs a cure for cancer or alternative fuels?
    The REAL work is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and the Victoria’s Secret catalogue! Suck on that, dweeby research scientists!

    • jdrourke said,

      Denise, thanks for playing! You’re comments are awesome!!!

  2. Sacralicious said,

    It pains me that I only get to watch this show when I stay in hotels now – the last time I had cable was when the designer who made those elaborate quilted pieces was on the show – he was awesome. I think he won – do you know who I’m talking about? Anyway, you are hilarious!

    • jdrourke said,

      Thanks for the kind words! Was the contestant named Jeffrey? That’s who popped into my small brain…

  3. edgybutsoft said,

    Hi,

    No, I think she was talking about Jay McCarrol, the first PR winner. He was very much into knitting and such. He did that lovely dress that resembled the art deco front of the Chrysler Building for a New York City challenge.

    As for Heidi and The Duchess AND Nina (let’s not forget the Ice Queen!) it pains me to see the 3 of them humiliate the designers every season. Seems like this season was the worst. Kors must have stayed up well into the wee hours of many a night thinking up those cruel little bon mots of his.

    And in a past season, Heidi had a real hate on for Gordana, a fellow European and I think she was German, too. That poor woman could do no right. Do you remember the newspaper challenge? The designers had to create a dress from old newspapers. Gordana did an intricate woven, layered dress that was intriguing. Nina’s complaint? “It doesn’t look like paper.” Wait, what?

    Unfortunately, the show is past it’s prime as are the judges. To switch the rules for the finale so that “off the rack/ready to wear” became the focus and the end desire for the show was a travesty and a slap in the face for all the rest of the designers who didn’t get the memo that the rules had changed.

    • jdrourke said,

      We really used to enjoy the show, but two of the last three seasons have been weak overall, and like you wrote, the judges are both out-of-touch and inconsistent.

      Still, love Tim Gunn and have really like a few of the contestants. We really thought Mondo should’ve won this most recent season.

      Glad you checked in. Please do so any time you want…

      • edgybutsoft said,

        Ah, yes. Tim Gunn. The heart, soul and conscience of the show. Whatever would we do without him?? I don’t think Bunnim/Murrays realize how vital Mr Gunn is to Project Runway.

        I think I would have stopped watching years ago if he wasn’t there to guide the designers in his kind, caring fashion. People respond to him in such a positive way. Well, most people. I would love to know the man personally. He seems to be a genuine sort of man. Intelligent, considerate and unaffected by all of the attention that’s aimed at him. That’s a hard thing to do, controlling the ego, when everyone around you is telling you you’re great! I wish him all the best.

        On a different note, I was sad to see the collection of designers they had for season 8. Overall, there really was only one stand out designer (Mondo) but looking back on past seasons he was not the most talented of the entire bunch.

        Part of Mondo’s appeal, IMO, is his quirky, quiet nature and wild clothes. Revealing his HIV status on national tv was a brave thing to do, especially since his family did not know about it. The editing painted him in such a positive light that we, the viewers, couldn’t help rooting for him.

        Gretchen was broadly portrayed as a villain alongside Ivy. Some people have questioned why the editors didn’t soften Gretchen’s image a bit more since they knew who won. I’m thinking that we got what they had on film and they didn’t have much ‘niceness’ to work with.

        I was rather shocked by her response when one of the judges asked her how she felt about winning. She said she “felt like one hundred thousand dollars.” Excuse me? Is this person so lacking in social skills that she can’t be gracious for one minute and thank someone -anyone!- for the chance to compete, for having the opportunity to work with some wonderful people, to thank GOD, or mom & dad or something?? No humility in that one, it’s obvious.

        Anyway, I apologize for going on and on. Your gracious invite to “check in, anytime” I took to heart.

        Mondo was robbed and Lifetime’s shot itself in the foot and they may be limping for quite a while and I won’t feel badly for them. Not by a long shot. They got what they deserved. You don’t play your viewers. Bad, bad form.

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