Dear Sweet Bristol Palin,

January 26, 2010 at 11:59 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, Politics) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Dear Bristol,

Saw you on the T.V. (yet again) proclaiming to be a born-again virgin, and that you have taken an oath to abstain from sex until you are properly married.  You also said you hoped other women would follow your lead.

Forgive me for giggling a little, but there’s such an irony to that last bit, given how closely you followed your own mother’s lead.  Anyway, I’ll try to keep it together…

Listen, I understand that you’re not from a very deep gene-pool and that you religious-right types strongly believe in evangelical white-washing, but the hard truth is you don’t actually get to have your virginity back – and the obvious proof is in that extremely cute child of yours.

You also don’t get to claim you’re fulfilling a goal here; after all, it’s pretty easy to not have sex when you can’t actually get laid!

So in closing things up, let’s just admit what is already way-out-there: you should worry less about how other women behave and focus more on how you’ll raise your own child – with the hopes that certain choices might finally skip a generation.

C’ya,

 

Buster Hymen

32 Comments

  1. Denise said,

    Hey Bristol,
    Give me a call if you want to have some no-strings, non-pregnancy causing fun, OK? I’m in the book.
    Yours orally,
    Heywood Jablome

    • jdrourke said,

      LOL. You are a riot, D!

      • Denise said,

        I get a little silly after spending the day chasing my 5 stray-animal welfare babies around my great home state of South Carolina. Sometimes I even take the bag off of my head before telling people I live here. Our politicians NEVER, EVER say or do anything stupid or embarassing!!!!!!!
        If New Jersey is the “armpit of the nation”, we must be the “Plumber-butt”. And we’re showing a whole lotta crack……………….

    • mloren1961 said,

      Oh so civil.

  2. R8RBOB said,

    Up there in Alaska, they can do wonderful things like turn the clock back. pretend they are watching the Russians for us and tell Bristol that she can be a virgin again. I suspect Sarah called her witch doctor in for a visit and he put a mojo on Bris. Told her she would be the leader of born-again virgins. Hopefully, Bristol won’t quit half-way through it.

    • jdrourke said,

      Amen, R8RBOB. They’re a scary bunch…

  3. CJ Houghton said,

    What is really sad here is that by touting abstinence AFTER your baby is born is showing so much disrespect for that chid she had. Imagine that conversation when the child is old enough to understand.

    “Mommy, why didn’t you think abstinence was important until AFTER I was born? Didn’t you want me?”

    Nice!

  4. Harmonika Savingsbonds said,

    Why is it that republicans always appear in a manner consistent with why we need to be keeping abortion legal?

    • jdrourke said,

      I’ve wondered that myself, Harmonika. Good question…

  5. Tap said,

    Don’t call it born again virgin – that ship wants sail, its call celibate. You know: you can’t miss what you never had, but you crave things you already tasted.

  6. Jerome said,

    Hey Bristol,
    Give me a call if you want to have some no-strings, non-pregnancy causing fun, OK? I’m in the book.
    Yours Anally!
    Wood Jerome aka mandigo.

  7. Marjie said,

    Hey there! Just getting on your blog now from Huffington Post and am loving it. One thing I’ve never seen mentioned is that for the kid’s first birthday, some lame entertainment show was in Wasilla and had baby-daddy there with his mom and grandmother. Squint just a little bit and his mom and Sister Sarah share quite a lot in the looks department. Hello, Oedipus calling!

    • jdrourke said,

      That is sooo creepy, that possibility (which is pretty likely given the Palin/Johnston clan). Glad to have you along for the ride, Marjie!

      -JD

      • Cthulhu said,

        Anyone want to give odds Sarah had to tap her some Levi as well?

  8. The Mud Puppy said,

    Heard this on Faux News, so it must be true …
    President Obama has declared Peace with Sarah Palin ..

    He has appointed her ambassador to Mars with a simple “Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny weren’t available and we all know Sarah is Loony Tunes.”

    Sarah responded “I can see Mars from my porch and have seen both Bugs and Daffy outsmart “Marvin The Martian” if they can. I can.” She then called Bill Oreally to find out if Mars, Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny were real.

    Sarah slobbering at the lips over the prospect of money and more converts demanded an immediate first class flight to the space station saying “She would hitchhike from there.”

  9. The Mud Puppy said,

    Sarah in hot pursuit of Flea bagger money has partnered with Hustler Magazine to produce “The Inflatable Palin Love Machine.”

    This product has endorsed by The Mama Grizzlies …

    For only One Hundred Thousand dollars, you can have a one night stand with Sarah,

    Once you remove the Chastity belt, keys optional and not included (subject to you paying her legal bills of only $390,000), the airhead inflatable promises to chirp “You Betcha” and “Just Drill” until exploding in an orgasm of tarballs.

    For an addition $12,000 The Banging Bristol version promises to take you where so many have been before …

    Signed ..

    The Anti Caribou Barbie Alaskan Tin Hat Brigade

    • mloren1961 said,

      Mom let you stay up late again….Come out of the basement sweetie, dinner’s ready.

  10. The Mud Puppy said,

    After her speaking engagements fail, Sarah launches a career starring on reality shows,

    Donald Trump fires her on arrival.

    Simon Crowell shakes his head at her version of “You Betcha, You Betcha” describing it as sounding like a Polar bear having a totem pole jammed up it’s rectum.

    Sarah gets lost in the first leg of “The Amazing Race” flies to Arizona and deported back to Alaska (no papers)

    Get booted off “Survivor” for demanding to be paid to speak.

    This is followed by a bad imitation of a beached whale on “Dancing With The Stars”

    Not to be deterred, she accepts Larry Flynt’s offer to appear in Hustler magazine thinking it is about Hustling Money …

    You Betcha …

    • jdrourke said,

      Keep it up, Mud Puppy. Love the passion and energy!

  11. The Mud Puppy said,

    Thoughts on George Bush and Texas Education ..

    In ten years Texas will be teaching that the Bush Family led the American Revolution and beat the British at the Alamo when the Brits crossed the Rio Grandee …

    The Nation of Texas was saved when the Texans outnumbered and outgunned were single handedly saved by George W Bush who stole a plane from British and beat both the British and their Mexican allies ..

    After which he flew to London, horse whipped King George, then had an affair with Marie Antoinette giving birth to Liberty ..

    Approved for publication by the tri-corner tin hat brigade and The George Bush for Crawdad Texas Dog catcher Campaign

    PS. The pilgrims landed at the Alamo …

  12. prisca said,

    Just another man who shows he prefers skanks to a woman with moral standards.

    • jdrourke said,

      Please tell us you’re kidding – because that would be funny!

      Otherwise, equating Bristol Palin with moral standards is like saying Dick Cheney has long and distinguished military record…

      • fickCheney said,

        Dick Cheney does have long and distinguished military record: after he and Georgie-porgie brought down the towers, he was able to kill and torture to his heart’s content, hidden safely as he was inside his white house bunker.

  13. Dennis Hastings said,

    Ahhhh, freedom! And that’s not a Mel Gibson quote. Thanks for creating a blog space like this where all of the ‘admirers’ of the Palin clan can come and have a ‘clanbake’. I was feeling kind of whupped on for some of my comments on Huffpost, although they were fairly benign. Again, thanks.

    • jdrourke said,

      Dennis, you are more than welcome! Welcome to the party…

  14. Cynika said,

    Her baby isn’t cute.

  15. JaneSays said,

    Ha ha…where has this site been all my life?? Love the refreshing honesty!

  16. SharonLaurel said,

    Also here from HP and have to say that even though I promised I would join the February no sarah palin month – I’m afraid I might not be able to follow through.

    It’s nice to know I can go somewhere and rant and enjoy the rants of others regarding this no nothing opportunistic piece of shit who comes from Wasilla.

    I feel so sorry for the people of Alaska, but they put her in office, didn’t they? They were snowed by a charismatic, pretty face who promised them the moon and wound up putting the state into debt for her own greedy needs.

    I have never felt so strongly against a public figure as I do SP. However, she has provided many hours of glee whenever she opens her mouth and I get to listen to like minded people have their say.
    There is so much crap behind the Palin clan and one day soon, I hope it all comes out. Maybe with the May release of the emails she has been withholding? I can’t wait!

  17. jackson said,

    Hey JD—-ZsaZsa Huffingtons sell of HuffPO seems to have driven some of her over-moderated posters to your site. Congratulations Man! Please promise us that if, and when, you sell-out to AOL that one of the stipulations in your contract will be that all the converts will still be able to have a place to go where we can all say what we want to say, the way we want to say it! I love the freedom that we all get to have in our opinions on this site. Thanx for that! And thanx for a great place to go where we won’t be moderated into oblivion by those who just don’t get the fact that political correctness sux now, and always has. Political correctness is for politicians, and i would be willing to bet that there aren’t many of those reading the words of wit on this site. They are too busy trying to figure out how to fuck us all out of some more money or property! Thanx again bro!

  18. VietVet67 said,

    jd, just saw your link on HuffPo. Got you bookmarked!

    • jdrourke said,

      Very glad to have you on board, VietVet67. Check in and speak out any time you like…

  19. Cthulhu said,

    Just remember Bristol, swallowing and backing that ass up means never having to say, “Is it positive?”

    But cmon, toots, some of us remember your party girl pictures, and the stories about how MUCH you like to party. Just because your Mama spread some cash around to shut people up deosn’t mean your past is gone forever. The truth will out. All 3 Palin kids have run afoul of the law, and all of them got of easy. But America hasn’t forgotten.

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