Attn: Extremist Islamic Folk
You all need to chill out! It’s sweet that you take your religion seriously, but tone down the hyper-violent rhetoric a notch or three. If the rest of us wanted to witness religious-inspired murder, we’d subscribe to Netflix and watch The Tudors.
So if it’s cool, we want to run a few thoughts past you, as we believe these are VERY IMPORTANT for the well-being of all involved.
a). Comedy is subjective. Sure, not everyone is going to find South Park, The Daily Show, or Sean Hannity funny, but there is certainly an audience for them. We get that you’re protective of Muhammad’s image, but you can’t poke fun at Catholics, Mormons, Teabaggers, or Lutherans and not expect some of the zings to head back your way. That is simply how humans react to being goofed on.
b). Embrace the love more than the hate. You’re not Mississippi Republicans; you’re a part of Islam! Many good things have come out of your efforts and the Middle East; like oil, and those dates (Mmm, fruit), and, of course, oil.
c). Finally, if you absolutely must remain radicalized and consumed with anger, it is imperative that before you strap on a suicide bomb for the general public, you first head out to a barren field and run through a full “dress rehearsal” on your terrorist act. Again, this practice run is to include the actual detonation and to be performed far, far away from everyone else.
The Entire Rest of Humanity