Dear Football (Soccer),
What’s with half the planet getting a collective boner about this World Cup stuff? It’s just soccer (or football, as some people in parts of Africa and France call it), right? All people do is run around and kick a ball. Wow. Fun. Yawn.
No offense, but football (or soccer, as some people in parts of Israel and West L.A. call it) seems kinda boring. You do realize that your games can end in a tie, right? Snoozefest. Hell, there aren’t even commercial breaks for Coors Light, Doritos, or Valtrex!
Seriously, we don’t get it. Kicking a ball. Woo-hoo. Lame.
Golf, Ice Curling, Pool, Chessboxing, Ping-Pong, Bowling, Poker, Cup Stacking, Logrolling, Kickball, Competitive Hot Dog Eating, & NASCAR