Dear Rampaging Gunmen,
In light of recent events where yet another one of you cowardly idiots shot and killed several innocent people, we’re instituting a New Rule (thanks, Maher).
And that new rule is you gunmen don’t get to commit suicide after blasting away three, five, or a dozen folks who were simply going about their daily lives with a fair amount of more purpose and poise than you.
It’s bad enough that you penalize others for your inability to handle your shitty little existences, but the fact that you are unwilling to heavily medicate with the latest FDA cocktail like the rest of us simply displays a real lack of effort. Didn’t it ever occur to you sissies – before you picked up that Remington, or Glock – to maybe learn a Mantra, or take up painting, or run for political office like other sociopaths have…?!
Still, if you must go forward with your little evil deeds and pick people off like some 21st Century video-game for 8th graders, then at least find the common decency to not take your own miserable lives, too.
Once you’re satisfied with the level of carnage you’ve created, simply walk out into the open and aim your weapon at the largest number of law enforcement officers you can find. Don’t fire! Repeat, do not actually discharge your weapon any further, but “pretend” like you’re going to.
That way the responding officers can turn you into a semi-human version of Swiss-cheese, and those poor innocents who had to endure your hateful act get to watch you go down in a hail of bullets like all those others you took out.
We know this might appear harsh at first, but to be fair, you’re the ones who started it. At the very least, find that crumb of decency that is still within you and let someone deserving have the final word where you are (or thankfully, were) concerned.
Deeply sick of your bullshit,
Tired of Playing Duck & Cover