Dear John McCain,
Saw your childish, petulant performance with Chuck Hagel on the C-Span (yes, that does make me a geek), and I hav’ta say: you need to lighten up and calm the F down!
I know you’re still excited that your brainchild Iraq Surge was somewhat successful back in 2007, but come on old man, you’ve got to allow different people to have their own opinions. Throwing a tantrum and getting your adult-diaper all bunched up doesn’t do you any good; it only makes you look more and more like a cross section of George C. Scott from Dr. Strangelove, Archie Bunker, and both of those cantankerous old men always popping off up in the balcony on The Muppet Show.
Yes, your vocal support of the idea of adding 20,000 more troops into Iraq to try and squash al-Qaeda once and for all was a good plan, but you’re overlooking the painfully obvious fact that THE ENTIRE IRAQ WAR WAS A CRAP IDEA FROM THE GET-GO!
Your Surge decision was like the janitor who sees a giant dump on the locker room floor and decides two mops will clean it up better than one; nevermind the fact that there shouldn’t be a dump on the floor in the first place!
So maybe tone down your twitchiness and spasms a bit, John. Being correct about the Surge doesn’t actually erase the fact that the rest of your military service makes Gomer Pyle look like General Patton.
Between ranking at the very, very bottom (894th out of 899 – impressive!) of your class at the U.S. Naval Academy and the fact you crashed more planes than John Denver and Howard Hughes combined, you’re not exactly shining like a beacon on the hill.
And while we respect your horrific time and survival instincts in a POW camp during Vietnam, unlike 99.44% of those Americans captured, your family connections actually helped keep you alive like some kind of inter-continental war-mongering nepotism.
Anyway, the point is you need to finally get over your battle-hungry self, John. You’re not the only one who understands the Theatre of War. Chuck Hagel, John Kerry, and any other veteran who actually put his or her ass on the line is as entitled to his or her opinion as you are. And just because you want them to agree with you – hell, apparently, you need them to agree with you – doesn’t give you the right to behave like a child whose mama just took away his Call of Duty video game.
So again, switch to decaf, take up golf, or learn how to play shuffleboard, because your old act of needing to appear like a war hero is just that: OLD.
Now stand down, John, and learn how to behave with an aging sense of decorum. It is so much more impressive than an aging sense of entitlement.