Dearest Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt,
I know I once said that everyone gets to be famous for 15 minutes, but honestly, enough already.
I didn’t actually mean folk like you. You’re supposed to do something to deserve the attention. Clearly, there’s been a mistake.
Besides, I was probably high off fumes from my hair-dye when I said that “famous” thing. Or maybe I’d just been shot by Valerie or something.
Regardless, your time’s long up. Please. Go now. Play in your hills…
Hugs & Soup,