Um, NASA? Are You F*cking Kidding Us?!

October 9, 2009 at 7:04 am (Religion and other silliness) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dear NASA,

Are you guys bat-shit insane!?!

You space-nerds slammed a B-version of the Millennium Falcon into the moon at 6,000 miles an hour, just so we can maybe find out if there’s water, or ice, or fucking Fresca beneath the surface?  Are you guys bat-shit insane?

Seriously, NASA, you’re embarrassing us.  And by “us” we mean the human race.  Sure, we’re already guilty of war, genocide, Michelle Bachmann, and a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine, but for God’s sake – this takes the fucking cake!  Are you wannabe Trekkies bat-shit insane?

What if the moon gets hurt?  You know it affects our planet’s tides, right?  If Lake Tahoe suddenly has 40-foot swells, that shit’s on you!  Or what if the moon slowly splits into a hundred pieces, and a huge chunk hurtles towards us and takes out Oklahoma?  Actually, that we can live with…   But what if the moon isn’t even a moon at all, and suddenly old English dudes and metallic guys who sound like James Earl Jones shoot back at our little planet?  This is serious, you goofy pin-heads!

Is there any way you won’t pull this stunt again if we help get you guys laid?  We’ll even throw in 6-months free of the SyFy Channel.

And what about the cost?  You’ve jettisoned nearly 80 million tax dollars so you kooks can re-enact deleted scenes from the Austin Powers movies.  Are you all bat-shit insane?

Really, NASA, this is crazy.  And we don’t mean tea-bagger protests or Shepard Smith crazy; we mean Big-Time-End-Of-The-World-Crazy!!

Cut this shit out, right now!

Hysterically Yours,


Neil Armstrong AND John Glenn


  1. Andy W said,

    Many asteroids, meteors, and meteorites that were larger than the Centaur have hit the moon in the past and have not affected it one bit, except for the impact crater left behind. I seriously doubt that this will change anything except leave another crater.

  2. David said,

    I hope this is a joke post. I cannot believe all the hubub over this…well that’s what I get for expecting people to have a clue about physics.

    • jdrourke said,

      Hey David,

      Yes, relax. Pure silliness, I promise…

  3. Denise said,

    Cut it out with all the science crap, dude. Haven’t you been paying attention to Kirk Cameron? Excuse me while I pop “Rapture” by Blondie into my CD player……what’s that? That’s NOT what she’s talking about? Damn.

    • jdrourke said,

      Honestly, I love you…

      • Denise said,

        Your blog makes me laugh my ass off…………I swear, you and the FunPie are in my head!!!!!!!! Now I’m going to have to find a copy of “Hot Tub Time Machine” and watch it, if my kids will stop watching Yo Gabba Gabba long enough. I can’t believe how many people don’t get that this is satire! And mighty fine satire at that. Your “Kanye.. Kanye… Kanye” piece almost made me not ashamed to admit I live in South Carolina. ALMOST.

  4. Alezmendi said,

    Um, this is satire right? You really think an explosion on the moon with less force than asteroids that strike it everyday is going to cause some kind of polar shift or tidal imbalance? Take a chill pill. Look around, the explosion happened and you’re just fine now, right?

    • jdrourke said,

      Silliness and satire, yes. Still, I’d prefer we be told before anyone starts firing things at the moon…

  5. Howie said,

    Yeah, you don’t know shit about the physics. You must’ve been out smoking pole the day they taught about shit that hits the moon and the shit that happens after the shit that hits the moon hits the moon in the physics class.

    • jdrourke said,

      Someone needs to roll up a magazine and smack you on the ass…

      • Howie said,

        I love you but editing my brilliance is grounds for a good pole smoking.

        No, wait…damn.

  6. James Wilson said,

    Hmm spray a few tons of ash in the air around the moon to block the Infared rays of the sun for a few months and we might get some of the Snow and Ice back on Glaciers and stop flooding from Alaska to Asia.

    Not so bad an idea.

    • jdrourke said,

      Not a bad idea, James. Thanks for the link, too.

  7. James Wilson said,

    • janey said,

      That was pretty bad.. i bet there’s a lot which goes on over there that would stun people here in the US. if we had that on our streets our senators and congressmen would not hesitate to sign every thing in front of them, and BO would most likely sign it the same day.
      Just ask what you want guys,money,shoe contract,name on a nascar car, i bet you can get what you , all it will cost you is a couple or six million sent to Baukus and he will get you anything you desire.. Hell …… he will get you a ride on the outside of that rocket , if thats what you want.

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