Um, Heene Family?
Who the hell do you people think you are? How dare you manipulate the “legitimate” news media for your family’s personal gain! It’s outrageous and insulting to good, decent journalists (like TMZ) everywhere, as well as terribly exploitative of your own sickly-sweet, picture-perfect children. Do you know how stupid Wolf Blitzer looked interviewing your entire television-ready family after your half-assed re-interpretation of James and the Giant Peach?! It was both embarrassing and shameless (though nicely staged).
Look, Missus Heene, I get what it’s like to be married to a nutjob-douchbag (I really do), but just because hubby Richard is “weather-obsessed,” that doesn’t mean he’s actually a weatherman or meteorologist. He’s nothing more than a kooked-up science version of The Great Santini…minus the Marine Corp crew-cut.
Take my advice and lose the gimmicks and phony emotions, and just be grateful that you have three painfully photogenic little boys with catchy names like “Falcon”. In the end, family is what it’s all about.
With Deep Sincerity,
Kate from “Jon & Kate, Plus (our ever-less-relevant) 8”
~Post Script: Please keep the hell away from TLC!!