Dear George Clooney,

December 5, 2009 at 12:42 am (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, Entertainers / Entertainment) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dear George Clooney,

Um, excuse us, Mister Clooney?  We’re sorry to bother you, but could we please have a couple of moments with you, sir?  We’ll keep it brief.  Promise.

Knock it off, George!  We’re not joshing around here.  Every girlfriend and wife of ours wants to meet, have sex, enjoy some drinks, and have sex with you – and that was long before you won that damned Oscar!

Your life, George – it’s beyond ridiculous.  First you do that show with Noah Wylie and the blood, and just when we hope you’ll slip off into TV Land oblivion, you go on to become the biggest movie star of the last 15 years!  Out of Sight, Ocean’s 11, and SyrianaFantastic Mr. Fox, Good Night and Good Luck, and Up in the Air?  Are you fucking kidding?!  Can’t you mix in a flick by Michael Bay, or agree to work with Rob Schneider?

On top of all that, you then further prove your integrity by trying to help those kind people in Darfur.  Can’t you at least go on TMZ and tell the world that you voted for “W”?  Or that you hate Methodists.

If we lesser men have to listen to any more chit-chat from our better-halves about what a dreamy, hunky, sexy, wealthy, politically-minded man’s man you are, well, then we’re going to jump on our motorcycles and ride off into the Malibu sunse–shit! You and your circle-of-friends ALREADY DO THAT ON WEEKENDS!!

You know what?  Forget it.  We give up.  Take our women, George Clooney.  They’re already yours’ mentally and emotionally anyway.  We’ll be in the corner in the fetal position, crying, and watching some dogshit DVD by Michael Bay.

No salutation for you – (prick!)


Mere Mortal Men



  1. Mary Lou said,

    Very cute. U should really send this to him.

  2. Amber Jeanpierre said,

    If it makes you feel any better I have no use for George whatsoever, he’s an asswipe imho. He’s always talking about these pranks that he plays on his friends and it seems like he’s a really immature jerk. My mom adores him but I cannot stand him, I say bring on the mortal men who won’t tell me what to do.

    George is apparently now “forbidding” his girls from talking about their relationships, who needs that kind of person in their life. Plus with most women seeking life long companionship he’d make a really poor choice since he vowed he’d never get married again and any woman who so much as hints at it is thrown out of his life like 2 week old moldy bread.

    I know it’s been a long time since this was posted but I just ran across it now and felt I had to weigh in. Just know there are some girls out there who are utterly repulsed by George. 🙂

    • Leslie Harris said,

      Your second paragraph makes no sense in light of the constant tweets current GF Stacy Kiebler sends out describing her relationship with Clooney, along with his assertion in his latest Rolling Stone interview that he doesn’t tell his girlfriends what they can say or do.

      It’s easy to get that impression if all of your information comes from supermarket tabloids and other “reliable” sources of information.

      As for the pranks, which don’t seem to bother any of the friends and stars with whom he associates, and are usually returned in kind, are taken with great humor by those around him. If they were the traumatic events you’d like to make them out to be, I doubt actors and directors would want to work with him.

      Detractors of George Clooney seem to fancy themselves as defenders of frail women everywhere, some of whom are apparently forced at gunpoint to date him, and having to suffer through red carpet events, exclusive private parties at mansions and yachts, and emotionally pummeled into accepting gifts of jewelry, fine dining worldwide, and haute couture fashions. Oh the pain!

      He is honest with the women he dates as to his intentions; those that insist on seeing his world through the veil of wedding gowns and babies WILL be disappointed – and deservedly so. Any woman with the attitude that her dreams are more important than the reality of the relationship are being foolish, whether the man in question is a celebrity or not.

      Everyone is entitled to their opinion about Clooney, but a bit more perspective and a lot less emotionalism goes a long way.

      • JD Rourke said,

        Here, here, Leslie! Good rant, funny rant.

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