Well, it’s Christmastime and here we are writing to you – yet again – to ask you to stop whining once and for all. Your precious holiday is NOT being run out-of-town: no matter how many conservatives complain that there’s “a war” against you!
You’re Are Christianity. You’re not some fly-by-night cult where your leader serves you Kool-Aid, massages your Thetans, or begs you to allow him to sleep with your daughters all in the name of saving their young, nubile souls.
Calm down, for effing sake. You Are Christianity. You’re flippin’ huge! You’ve got much of the world by its terrified conscious. You’re spreading faster than anti-Muslim leaflets at a square-dance hosted by Sarah Palin. For God’s sake, stop acting insecure!
Just because a few more department store chains prefer the phrase “Happy Holidays” to “Merry Christmas,” that doesn’t mean you’re all immediately on the darkened path to worshiping at the altar of Alice Cooper (who by the way IS a Christian)…
Chill out, brothers and sisters. You’ve got billions of followers around the globe; thousands of whom haven’t been molested by priests. You’ve got trillions of dollars for new, ornate churches, influence, and advertisements asking for donations to help the poor.
For the final time, relax! Christmas isn’t being plundered – regardless of how red and puffy Bill O’Reilly’s face gets. You Are Christianity. You’re practiced and celebrated every single day in countries ranging from the United States to Italy; from South Africa to Sweden. Hell, there are Christians in effing Iraq AND El Paso!
So stop quaking in your ass kicking convert-or-we’ll-make-an-example-out-of-you-boots! It’s going to be a looong time before you find yourself being replaced, okay? Trust us on this. Just mellow out, let your Jesus locks down, and have some good old-fashioned blood-shedding F-U-N.
Peace Be with You,
Post Script ~ You’re welcome for the whole “tree” thing.