Attn: John Mayer
Hey, Boss Man, WTF?!? You’re embarrassing me down here every time you open your yap about the women we’ve nailed, er, made love to.
Contrary to what the ladies like to believe, you dudes actually do your thinking with the big head, but invariably it’s we wee-wingmen who get the shit end of the stick when it comes to the reputation (no, that isn’t meant to be a euphemism).
So stop saying so much stupid stuff, Johnny. I was as offended by your N-bomb drop and David Duke reference as all the single ladies were. I’m not some white supremacist, JM, and I’ve never participated in anything like a lynching – unless you count that thing you do in the closet with the belts, rope and roast beef. I am simply 4-and-3/4 inches of hard, throbbing love, merely waiting for the next moment to shine.
Also, what’s with bringing up Benetton? It is not 1991 anymore. Half of Milli Vanilli are dead, boss. Speaking of which, what’d you mean by the whole “sexual napalm” thing? Is that why it hurts when we pee?
Get it together, Mayer. Else I may go on strike, ya dig? Flaccidly speaking.
Yours’ for now,
aka – Mr. Happy, Flipper has a backache, Glandchop, Wicked Willy, The Little Head, Junk, Twig and Berries