April 6, 2010 at 2:26 am (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, Politics) (Bedtime for Bonzo, Bi-partisanship, Bondagegate, Dick Cheney is the Devil, Does John Boehner ever stop crying?, Fox News, GOP, hypocrisy, Michael Steele, President Obama, Republicans defend BP, Republicans stall aid to 9/11 First Responders, Repubs want to dismantle unions so they can keep their wealthy friends happy, Ronald Reagan)
Um, Conservatives? We understand that when any politician, or political commentator speaks, there’s a good chance that he or she is talking out of both sides of his or her mouth (or his or her ass, for that matter). But you lying, scheming douches have lost all shame, and frankly, you’ve gotten really, really bad at spewing your searing bullshit.
Are you not even paying attention to what you’re saying or doing anymore?
Let’s cover some talking points, shall we?
1). You don’t get to claim that Republicans are the party of “Family Values” when your most vocal leaders are a drug-addled former DJ (Rush Limbaugh), an opportunistic-hungry former Governor who got knocked-up before getting married (Sarah Palin), and the right-hand men of Lucifer himself (Dick Cheney & Karl Rove).
Republican folks don’t make up the party of values; they’re the folks who value bondage parties! They’re not any more Pro-Life than Democrats, despite their constant wailing to the contrary, considering more abortions are actually done annually in Red States. And the percentage of divorces among conservatives is just as high as it is with liberals; which just proves the point that marriage is an equal-opportunity failure, regardless of which box you ink.
And unless Hate is a family value, then the GOP is full of bologny here, too. You cannot claim to love America when you despise more than half of Americans living here, including liberals and gays. Hell, your previous RNC Chairs (Ken Mehlman) were a closeted homosexual and (Michael Steele) a closeted Muppet, but that’s an argument for another day…
2). You don’t get to claim that you’re a big believer in “letting the free-market decide” when your last “leaders” (Bush & Cheney) initiated under Hank Paulson the largest financial bail-out in the history of the United States. And don’t pretend for a second to be supportive and behind average, hard-working Americans; unless you’re counting sneaking up behind them to screw them out of their pensions and benefits!
3). You don’t get to claim that Republicans are aghast at the lack of bi-partisanship from Democrats, when the nano-second Obama won the Presidential election your people sent out a memo detailing a Scorched Earth Policy against every single thing Obama may want to try to accomplish.
4). You don’t get to keep pretending you hate the “mainstream media” when Fox *News is the biggest tool you hypocrites have in your political shed! The fact that Fox *News has been the most popular cable news channel since before George Bush had gray hair is a testament to just how truly mainstream they are.
5). And you don’t get to claim that Hollywood is the enemy of America when the GOP’s biggest hero is a mediocre actor who worked for years in Hollywood, shitting out movies and sequels with an effing monkey!
Regardless of how much you dislike the liberals, you cheese-dicks are paid big-ass salaries to move America forward and to help the average American (not just the wealthy ones) achieve his or her dream. So shut the F up and start doing some actual work!
Seriously, we – the people – are watching.