Dear Dancing with the Stars,

September 30, 2010 at 7:47 am (Entertainers / Entertainment) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dear Dancing with the “Stars,”

Hey.  So we’ve been watching your never-ending rotating parade of dancing contestants, and we have to say, it seems like your idea of what constitutes a “star” isn’t actually the correct definition of what a “star” is.

We’re just saying that if the word “star” is going to be in your name, then it would be good to occasionally feature one.

Seriously, if we wanted to watch this many has-beens and no-namers, we’d attend CPAC.



Oxford American Dictionary, 2nd Edition and Oxford English Dictionary, Unabridged

p.s. – And stop calling yourself DWTS.  It sounds gayer than DADT!


  1. Ania said,

    This show is not ballroom dancing. This is “Having a Seizure with the C List.” Pfui…

    Ania the Grump

  2. Tony said,

    FU for saying the title is “gay”. I’m gay. My friend is gay. Words are not gay.

    • jdrourke said,

      I don’t know, Tony. The word “sequin” seems pretty gay. Way to find the humor, though…

      • Zeke Krahlin said,

        Mr. Rourke, Tony is correct, and justifiably PO’d. The use of word “gay” to describe anything that is stupid, repulsive or negative in some other way, carries a strong bias that homosexuality is bad. Our contemporary struggle for gay equality gave birth to this new definition, arising as it did from the anti-queer cess-pool of heterosexual bigots.

        You should be aware that there is a movement by gay-supportive young people to discourage other youth from using “gay” in a negative manner, through education and example. Just because a word has gained popularity, does not make it either “okay” or “innocent”. I can think of many other hateful words that have become popular.

        The only way your use of “gay” can be deemed humorous, is from the eyes of the lowest common hetero denominator…much as a redneck laughs at n*gger jokes. You must delight in satisfying your gay bashing tendencies by veiling your homophobia in “acceptable” new-age slang. But do you realize how your flippant use of that word portrays you in the eyes of intelligent, fair-minded Americans?

        Disrespectful. Arrogant. Ignorant. And of course: homophobic.

      • jdrourke said,

        Okay Zeke,

        Here we go. You’ve read here before and you know this is a snarky and purposely silly blog. The one that has you so steamed is signed by dictionaries, for Christ’s sake!

        The very point of Could Everyone Please Stop Pissing Me Off?! is to show how everyone – that’s everyone – is capable of behaving poorly or rising above it all.

        We make fun of black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Raider Fans, Fred Phelps, Glenn Beck, and Snooki – just to name a few.

        To unfairly and wrongly accuse me of homophobia is laughable! Read the other “letters” for proof.

        I whole-heartedly agree that words can be extremely painful and cruel, but to avoid their use in humor is to give them far more power – be it any word at all.

      • MochaLite said,

        Hey, folks, words change meaning every now and then – it’s called linguistic evolution! I’m old enough to remember when “gay” meant “happy”. A lot of people were upset to watch such a nice little word be co-opted by the homosexual rights movement (not that there’s anything wrong with that – thank you Seinfeld).

        Many of us suggested that you take “fabulous” since it wasn’t being used for much of anything, but no, you wanted “gay”. So we sucked it up and watched the meaning of the word change. You can suck it up now.

      • jdrourke said,

        You are hired AND you are awesome! Glad you chimed in – please keep doing so…

  3. Michael in Mass said,

    I couldn’t agree more, JD. Denzel Washington is a star! Cher is a star! Most of these people would be D-listers at best.

  4. Howie said,

    He called you Mr. Rourke. That makes me think of the Chrysler Cordoba. Which makes me think he wants to gently caress your rich, Corinthian leather.

    “Rich Corinthian leather” being a euphemysm for “penis”.

    Which sounds pretty fucking gay to me.

    Or is wanting to rub another dude’s meat stick not considered gay anymore?

    • St. Tracy said,

      Howie totally rocked it.

  5. the FunPie said,

    Hahaha. I know “Mr. Rourke” in *real* life, Zeke, so I can vouch for his through and through gay pride.

    Look, I wrote a college thesis on the sexism in the English language (and got a college scholarship thanks to my essay defending gay rights), and I’ve spent plenty of time arguing against the derogatory use of the word “pussy” and the use of “balls” as a somehow superior piece of anatomy, so I get the semantic argument… in fact, it’s a full valid argument. You know what? I’m on your side.

    JD – what the fuck? Why do you have to be such a dick?! If you want to use a derogatory term for DWTS, might I suggest “Palin-esque-tarded?”

    • Denise said,

      Goddammit, FunPie, now you’ve gone and pissed off the Palin-Americans and we’re going to have to put on our hair-shirts and let them throw Glenn Beck’s tear-soaked tea bags at us, and I’m SO not in the mood for their bullshit!!

      Miss your blog, by the way.

      • Bren said,

        Palin-Americans, now THAT’s priceless!

  6. PermaResi said,

    O for Christ sake, y’all get over yourself. DWTS sucks, that’s the bottom line.

  7. Ania said,

    Never mind, JD. You nail the PCists and that’s what counts. Carpe snarkem.

  8. aview999 said,

    Love it JD! Keep up the good work at HP!


  9. myj said,

    Stop watching DWTS so you won’t be so pissed off… You have a choice, use it!!!

  10. Dennis Hastings said,

    Come on! The spawn of the SnoBunny gets to stay on this show, while the superior dancers get disqualified because of the ratings that she generates. A sad and predictable capitalist maneuver. I have to say, however, that I kind of liked her routine with the monkey outfit. O’Donnell should have been there to see her turn into a human. One would think that there would be an outbreak of fresh annoyance and pique directed at THE SPAWN, and indirectly towards the great mamma bear, lurking around in the new capital of the United States, Wasilla.

    As a further digression, I must say that I usually want to say ‘brisket’ instead of Bristol. Does that happen to anyone else?

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