Dear Rabid Pro-“Life” Peeps,

March 24, 2011 at 4:36 am (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, Politics, Religion and other silliness) (, , , , )

Dear Rabid Pro-Lifers,

Seems like there’s been an onslaught of “pro-life” legislation sweeping through America lately, not to mention even more folks turning to violence in the name of protecting “precious life.”  And as a result of all this hardcore aggression, we’ve become confused.

Now we’re young and, as a result, a bit naive about such volatile subjects as abortion, but what the heck gives?  Some of you more “passionate” types are really intent on making sure every pregnant woman gives birth, regardless of what may be best for the mom in question – with the belief being that every single life is truly sacred.

Yet we’ve been told by Our Father that in spite of the rah-rah / borderline psychotic support you show for those first few trimesters, you then seem to have no problem with lives in their 66th trimesters being sent off to war, or you appear apathetic about lives in their 139th trimesters starving because they lost their jobs due to other people using banks and Ponzi-schemes to rob them blind.  You also seem less-than-concerned with the abuse that gray-haired lives in their 243rd trimesters often face by their so-called care-givers.

All we can deduce from this absolute lack of consistency on your part is that it really is all in the timing.  So, given this hard fact of life, we’ve decided to finally speak up and demand that you “pro”-life fellas actually become pro-life for the vast, vast majority of our entire lives.  Seems like it’s the fair and reasonable thing to do, don’t you think?

Okay, that’s enough for now.  Thanks for greens, the vitamins, and the skipping of wine when offered.  And by all means keep pumping in the classical music – we love that shit!

See ya soon,





  1. Mr.Smithers said,

    Hey there, clever fetuses (or feti),

    Do not forget about how many pro life activists are also pro death penalty. Now explain that one to me without making your head explode.


    • James said,

      Those sentenced to death DID something to deserve their plight in life. The ones unborn did not.

      • SunshineJilly said,

        Because the judicial system is infallible and every one who received the death penalty was guilty, right?

      • Jen said,

        Really, James? There have been 140 exonerations brought about by new evidence. That is 140 INNOCENT people the various states were preparing to kill due to faulty evidence. Those are documented cases. There is no way to tell how many innocent people have been killed in the past.

  2. Ania said,

    Dear Feti/Fetae,

    Perhaps a more accurate moniker for these religiously fanatical, holier-then-thou zealots should be “pro-fetus,” since as you so rightly point out, once you make your grand entrance into this world, they’re done with you.

    (I wish someone would make a human rights issue for the moms involved, who would seem to be, as far as the Pro-Fetus lobby is concerned, mere vessels, with all the civil and human rights of a mason jar.)

    Now please excuse me, nothing personal, but I have to go make a contribution to Planned Parenthood.

    • jdrourke said,

      You are awesome, Ania, and I couldn’t agree with you more.


  3. Milli D. said,

    JD, SO right on. I feel your comment deep in my soul, my heart, my being. Ania’s also. Totally. I wish I could put my feelings into words the way you can.


    • jdrourke said,

      Thank you sooo much, Milli! Fell free to speak out – whether we agree on something or not – any time you want. You’re always welcome here…

  4. Jessica Gerson said,

    Beautifully stated.

    After all, [sarcasm] the only “person” that matters is one that hasn’t been born yet. Once they’re out of the womb, they’re no longer precious lives to be protected, they’re worthless drains on the rest of us God-fearing, tax-paying, Republican-voting citizens. What does it matter if the woman we just forced to have a child she didn’t want now has to choose between putting food on the table or buying medications for herself or her child (because, of course, we don’t care if she or her brat has health care)? What does it matter if the child ends up a ward of the state because his mother dies because she lacks access to health care and money for life-saving medications? Who cares if he’s poorly cared for in a state-run facility or abused by a sub-par foster parent?

    Wait, what’s that you say? Putting time and money into providing adequate social services – INCLUDING affordable and accessible abortions – could prevent all this? Hah. We’re sure as hell not going to fork over money for that socialist bull#$%@. But, hell, we’ll shell out all the money in our wallets to make sure she carries that fetus to term. After all, life is sacred. Right? [/sarcasm]

    I am ashamed to breathe the same air as these people.

    • jdrourke said,

      Wonderfully written, Jessica! You nailed it.

      Trust me, on this tough and emotional subject, you’re not the one who should be ashamed…


    • James said,

      It’s ok, we still love you.

  5. Denise said,

    Aaaaaargh, don’t get me started with these hypocritical douchebags!
    Oh, hell, too late.
    Fetus = Life Supreme.
    Babies = Cute, cuddly campaign prop.
    Kids = best seen &not heard, preferably home-schooled Conservative Drones in training.
    Adults = Conservative Christian working joes who should yell “America, WhooHoo” at every chance and be thrilled with the idea of the Christian Taliban taking over America.

    Michele Bachman says the government advocating breastfeeding is bad, but this weekend she announced that she’s all for raising taxes on single mothers (to encourage “family formation”, wink, wink! uh-oh, Bristol – you should have married Levi, now your mom’s more insane buddy wants to tax your ass for NOT having an abortion! ) . The State of Minnesota wants to make it a CRIME for welfare receipients to be in possession of more than $20 cash at any given time each month. The former Lt. governor of my state publicly called children who qualified for the free lunch program STRAY DOGS, and the pro-life conservative crowd APPLAUDED him for it.. That nut job Bobby Franklin in Georgia wants to investigate all miscarriages for possible wrong-doing. Conservatives across the country think kids should rot in fostercare rather than be adopted by loving gay couples. I’m sure a lot of them would actually advocate the aborting of gay babies, but then they’d have to admit that gayness is NOT “just a lifestyle choice” ( don’t even get me started on that insane horse’s ass Victoria Jackson, who needs to go sit on a barb-wire tampon and spin furiously).
    WTF is wrong with these people??????

    They’re not pro-LIFE, they’re pro-BIRTH……ironicaly, after the birth, the rabid Creationist crowd suddenly become followers of Darwin, at least socially.


    I’m going to shut up now before I REALLY start ranting…………..

    • jdrourke said,

      Oh, lady… I am sooo with you on this one! Their level of hypocrisy is only outdone by their overall lack of compassion.

      What a bunch of douches!!

  6. Russ5960 said,

    As a Roman Catholic, I am staunchly pro-life, but many of the stereotypes don’t hold up… least in some of the circles I run. Mother Teresa was a passionate a pro-lifer as there ever was, but no one would accuse her of not caring about the poor and downtrodden. The order she founded continues to care for the poor in Calcutta to this day. She is not alone, just the most well-known example.

    Our Parish has many outreach programs for the poor as well, including a program called S.H.I.P…Self-Help Interfaith Program, where churches of every faith join together to provide shelter and training to able-bodied homeless people to help them obtain employment, a place to live, and dignity. It is a year long program that has proved quite succesful.

    As far as sending young men off to war, our military is entirely voluntary, and no one is forced to join.

    I happen to agree with those who find it hypocritical to be pro-life, but supportive of the death penalty. I, and most of those of my ilk oppose both.

    • James said,

      Thank you for educating.

  7. diandrahollman said,

    Have I told you I love you before?

  8. concretemermaid said,

    Pro-fetus groups NEVER care about the mother or parents or even the future of the fetus. We can debate and imagine forever the reasons these groups are so anti-abortion, but I wish they would consider the world we would live in if abortion was illegal and contraception unavailable.

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