I am writing to your clan today to apologize for not getting in touch with you folks sooner.
I would have tackled this trumped-up issue of my natural-born citizenship earlier, but I’ve been a bit busy cleaning up after the Cheney / Bush Administration and helping to BLAST THE FUCK OUTTA OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!
As “true” patriots, I’m sure you understand.
President Barack Obama a.k.a. U.S. Citizen, a.k.a. Presidential Badass