Dear Former Governor Schwarzenegger,
Hey Arnold, how’s it hanging? Actually, don’t answer that – we’ll just assume things are rocky right now.
While we mostly agree Maria got a raw deal where all this “adultery” stuff is concerned, you’re our boy and we’re sticking with you through the end of days.
That said, we finally got a good look at your illegitimate baby mama and we gotta say – as buddies who kinda understand – what the fuck, Schwarz? That’s the best you could do?! You live in Hollywood, Arnie. You can’t swing a high-def camera around without hitting some hottie extra or B-movie babe!
Have all those years of steroids screwed up your decision-making that much? We mean, we’re able to forgive your choices when it came to one or two of your movies – say Red Sonja, The Last Action Hero, T – 3, Junior, The 6th Day, *Maid in L.A. 2 – the Sperminator, Conan the Destroyer, Scavenger Hunt, Hercules In New York, Red Heat – but this kind of impaired judgement leads us to believe you need a serious intervention and break from the daily pressures of your wealthy-living, elitist life.
Seriously, we’re worried about you, Arnold. Give us a call. Thinking of hitting Hooters Thursday night – why not come?
Jesse James, Newt Gingrich, John Edwards, John McCain, John Ensign, Jimmy Swaggart, Tony Parker, Mark Sanford, Eliot Spitzer, A-Rod, Charlie Sheen, Bill Clinton, Billy Crudup, Tiger Woods, and Pastor Ted Haggard
*P.S. – We know Maid In L.A. 2 – the Sperminator isn’t a real flick. Gingrich & Woods thought it’d be hilarious to include it…