Top Marketing Ideas for the Los Angeles Clippers Season

April 26, 2014 at 9:35 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , )

{Memo from NBA Clippers owner Donald Sterling concerning the 2014 – 2015 season and new, fun ways to market his team}


These are my top ideas for how to fully capitalize on the 2014 – 2015 season, and shine a bright, white light on the Clippers.

D. Sterling

Idea 1: “Associate with an African-American Night.”  I think this could be an interesting way for us to prove we’re not afraid to associate with them [the blacks].  I would still prefer they [people of color] not be allowed to attend the games, but if we’re able to convey our willingness to be associated, then this could go a long way toward us eventually tolerating them [maybe].

Idea 2: “Pre-Game TED Talks featuring Cliven Bundy and Phil Robertson.”  I believe mixing athletics with inspirational speakers could be a terrific way to enlighten the masses as to why older, white men are truly the definitive example when it comes to exceptionalism.

Idea 3: “Free Cotton-Picking Candy Night.”  Self explanatory.

Idea 4: “Kiss Cams featuring Couples of Mixed Race.”  By “mixed,” I mean wealthy, white men and their much, much younger mistresses.

Idea 5: “Half-Time Lectures on the True Meaning of Ownership.”  Again, this should be self-explanatory.

Idea 6: “Post-Game Screenings of Glory, Roots, and 12 Years a Slave.”  In my opinion, when people leave the venue happy and with smiles on their faces, they’re far more likely to become repeat customers / fans.  Besides, who doesn’t love a good comedy?

I’d like to get your thoughts on these suggestions asap.

Your owner / boss-man,


Donald Sterling


  1. St. Tracy said,

    I just learned of your existence last night, Mr. Sterling. I wish you truly never existed. I’m a sad panda now.

  2. Robert Paulsen said,

    Wait a minute. Let me brainstorm. Give an African-American Clothes Night? Give an African-American Cars Night? Give an African-American Houses Night? No, there’s nothing I can think of you haven’t thought of yet, Donald. Is this why the NAACP was planning on honoring you with a Lifetime Achievement Award on May 15? Truly, there is nothing your generosity cannot buy. The Other Donald must be seething with jealousy.

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