Dear Budweiser Brewing Company,

May 11, 2016 at 2:43 am (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers) (, , , )

Dear Budweiser, aka Anheuser-Busch, aka That Belgium-based Brewing Co.,

We Americans just lerned that between now and the U.S. Presidential election in November your changing the name of Budweiser beer to “America” beer…

We’re a bit cornfused, so bear with us a minute.  Maybe we’ve sucked down too many cold ones, but your saying that when we stumble into our local AM/PM mini-mart, we’re now supposed to simply grab a couple cases of America?  And the Indian fella behind the counter will know what’s goin’ on?

You sure about this, Bud?  Do we even still call you Bud, Bud?

We get that you’r the “King” of beers and all, even if that kinda sounds vaguely Marxist, but this seems shameless.  First you move your company outta the U.S. and take a whole lotta American jobs with ya over to Belgium.  How would you feel if we rebranded all your waffles and just called ’em Belgiums?   “Hey, who wants some Belgium batter?”  Might sting a bit.

We just want you to know that we’re not dum.  We don’t like it when foreigners try to brand and package Our Freedom and our civil libertines.  That’s our job – dammit!

Still, we our the greatest country ever made by God in heaven and if something goes by America, then we ought to buy it and force it on our fellow citizins like Ronald Reagan would want us to.

But can you at least make a few commercials with hot chicks in American flag bikinis? Maybe a couple of them could be holding cans of America and AK-47s.  That’d be cool.

Fuck it, we’re in.  Sell the shit outta this shit!



‘Merican Patriots


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