Dear Fox “News” Co-Creator / Nixon-Advisor Roger Ailes,
Wow – talk about the end of an error, right, Roger? From getting Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon elected in 1968 to co-creating the juggernaut that has become Fox *News over the past 20 years, you have truly been an incredible success at what you do.
Of course, your greed-based success has been to the great (and by “great” we mean horrific) detriment of the entire U.S. of A. You and your partner-in-slime Rupert Murdoch have done more to divide this country over the past fifty years than any racial / economical / or war-inspired tension could have ever done. You’ve literally lied through your teeth more times than any math genius (you know, those intellectual snob-types you profess to loathe) could count.
Let’s look at a few of the “Fair-and-Balanced” Personalities you helped make into Fuck-Ethical-Journalism-If-We-Tell-A-Lie-Big-Enough-And-Keep-Repeating-It-People-Will-Eventually-Come-To-Believe-It TV Stars. (Click on their links for added fun)
Bill O’Reilly – that bastion of barely-contained and usually piss-drunk rage.
Ann Coulter – a false-patriot who’d be the first to happily speak Mandarin if we were invaded by China tomorrow.
Sean Hannity – a fraudulent human being in every way conceivable.
Honestly, Roger, your time in the Television-as-Political-Theatre Pantheon has helped elect Giant Fails like Richard Nixon and George W. Bush and helped make the case for the Iraq war, which has since taken the lives of more than 4,500 Americans and which has cost the U.S. far more than 1.7 trillion (that’s trillion with a big-fucking T) dollars!
You even made the word Benghazi something 66% of male Fox viewers admit they get aroused by when Megyn Kelly or Charles Krauthammer say it on TV (proven science*).
And despite all the damage you’ve done to this nation, and despite all the lives you’ve harmed, what is it that has brought you down from your elitist kingdom on the Fox-financed mountain?
Your uncontrollable need to sexually harass women. Yep, even as your Mouthpiece Minions yammered on and on about “conservative family values” you were behaving like a Bloated Version of John C. Holmes – if John C. Holmes had a much, much smaller penis…
So thanks for everything, Roger. You’ve truly stooped to conquer. We owe you so much. Someday, hopefully, you’ll get paid back in full (and then some).
With the deepest sincerity,
Actual Truth, Real Justice, and the [non-skewered for ignorant Whites Only] American Way
Dear Flawed Americans (All 319 Million of US),
An extremely important reminder to ALL AMERICANS…
If All Lives truly Matter in this nation, then We as a nation must work everyday to unite.
We have to see what is truth. And the TRUTH is that we’re all flawed, scared, strong, loving, hopeful, desperate, flaky, reliable, angry, kind, greedy, and generous.
Black, White, Hispanic, Native American, Asian, etc. Cop, Vet, Teacher, Coach, Doctor, etc.
The only thing Human Beings are truly consistent at is Being Human (warts and all).
Most Police Officers want to do Good. Most are not abusive, corrupt, murderous. But both types do exist.
Most African-American People want to live well and be a constructive part of society. Most are not bad people. But both types do exist – as with Asian, Hispanic, Whites, etc…
Most Immigrants come to the U.S. and do right by their new country, their new home. Most do not sneak in and manipulate things only for themselves. But sure, both types do live here.
The “bad guys” in our country are the political leaders who won’t work together, who only seek to remain in power, rather than using their elected position to help all types of people.
The “bad guys” in our country are those who profit off dead Americans, or Americans in crisis, be they NRA/GOA leadership or corporate heads who put their bottom-line and shareholders ahead of individual lives.
The “bad guys” in our country are those who use a gun or bomb instead of their ability to learn, love, and work even harder for positive change.
The “bad guys” come though social media and televisions and push lies, propaganda, not caring how it may affect those who take it as gospel.
The “bad guys” in our society cannot win because they are outnumbered and they are ultimately weak.
And the “bad guys” look like all of us. They are straight, gay, white, black, brown, young, old, wealthy, middle-class, poor, religious, atheists, athletic, well-educated, lazy, small-minded, living in cities, living in rural towns.
“The world is a fine place and worth the fighting for…” Ernest Hemingway
Whatever frightens you, seek to better understand it. Whatever angers you, work to let go of it. Whatever makes you feel helpless, take action to relieve its grip.
We’re All Capable of Doing Good. It simply requires strength. You’ve got plenty of it in You.
Your fellow deeply-flawed American,
Dear Christian Televangelist Paula White,
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
I figured since nearly everybody else has jumped into this pool of controversy (or pond, given the setting), and you cannot swing a dead duck without hitting a Facebook diatribe, angry tweet, or know-it-all talking head babbling over reality-TV star Phil Robertson’s recent controversial interview in GQ magazine, I may as well wade in a bit, too.
I am a proud American and a proud liberal, and I firmly believe in our Constitution and all that comes within it. So, while I personally disagree with the recent racially-charged and homophobic comments made by “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson, I equally agree with the notion that as an American citizen Robertson has a fundamental right to make those comments out loud – however controversial, judgmental, and myopic they may be.
We all, as Americans, retain the right to our freedom of speech, and that obviously includes Phil Robertson. But despite the claims of so many people on The Right, the decision by A & E executives to briefly remove Robertson from “Duck Dynasty” was not about taking away his right to free speech, nor was it about unfairly silencing him. All the proof you need is the fact that Phil Robertson made his comments to the GQ reporter in the first place, and has since been able to speak out about those comments and defend them. Robertson’s opinions about the sin of homosexuality and, how back in the pre-Civil-Rights-era South, African-Americans appeared to be very happy under old Jim Crow laws have not landed him in jail, nor has he been fined heavily for them. He was allowed to make his statements, as is his right.
A & E’s decision to suspend Phil Robertson from “Duck Dynasty” was little more than a reflection of our Capitalist system. A & E does not want to lose advertisers, as that would cost the network money. When any company has an employee who publicly says things which may embarrass that company – or hurt their bottom line – they have a right to reprimand that employee in an appropriate manner. It’s funny to me that Republicans – the very same ones who claim anyone against the Free-Market is a Marxist or socialist – are decrying A & E’s decision as anti-American and a blatant violation of Robertson’s right to free speech. That is simply laughable. Robertson said some pretty ugly, hurtful things about various Americans, and his bosses – in this case the suits who run A & E – decided to distance themselves from his controversial comments; not unlike MSNBC did after their “employee” Martin Bashir made incendiary comments about former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. MSNBC placed Bashir on leave, and he later resigned. But you know what did not happen during that ugly incident? Throngs of conservatives did not defend Bashir’s right to free speech. Rather, they called for his firing.
“Those with that platform, with a microphone, a camera in their face, they have to have some more responsibility taken.” This is what Sarah Palin said about the Martin Bashir incident, yet when it comes to reality-star Phil Robertson (a religious conservative) saying vile things about African-Americans and the LGBT community, both she and her eldest daughter, Bristol, came out publicly and claimed Robertson’s own rights were being threatened – instead of holding him up to a higher responsibility.
But this is how it goes with those on the conservative side. Back in the early and mid-2000s, conservatives labeled Americans who spoke out against the Iraq war as un-American, un-patriotic, and claimed those who were exercising their 1st Amendment rights were, in fact, “giving aid and comfort to the enemy.” This last little fun quote was courtesy of Michael Burgess, a Republican Representative from Texas. Interesting how some of our democratically-elected leaders – whose primary job is to protect and uphold the laws of our land – will suddenly react more like a dictator whenever they hear something they don’t agree with.
Any time a liberal actor or left-leaning public figure speaks his or her mind about any subject that isn’t directly connected to their profession; those on the right will condemn or dismiss the individual, as though they’ve lost their rights as an American. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a conservative mouth-piece criticize George Clooney or Oprah Winfrey for their vocalized opinions on a myriad of subjects ranging from African aid to typhoon Haiyan, I’d be able to start my own television network. Yet, in the past two weeks we’ve seen the right galvanize support around Phil Robertson, as though freedom itself were at stake here. Guess what, kids? It’s not.
Again, Phil Robertson said what he said, and whether you agree with him or not, he must be allowed to say such things without fear of being penalized by the government. But that does not extend to our private employers, nor to everyone else who ends up hearing what was said in the first place. I have as much right to vocally denounce what Phil Robertson said. If we are to be for the freedom of expression, then it must be totally acceptable to our ears, regardless of who says what. Otherwise, we’re not honoring our rights, but rather only our tastes and what we each find to be personally acceptable.
There has to be a meeting in the middle, and that is something that those on the right seem unwilling to admit, at least out loud for the rest of us to hear.
Dear Tea Party,
We get it, Tea Party; you don’t like having a black President. In light of the recent government shutdown, it’s become painfully clear that the very idea of having someone in the White House whose tan is deeper than John Boehner’s is wildly offensive and unsettling to you folks. And while it is your fundamental right to be on the wrong side of history, you self-proclaimed patriots have spent more than five years disrespecting both the office of the President of the United States, as well as that fun little part of our Declaration of Independence which states “all Men are created equal”.
You Tea Partiers repeatedly talk about battling the tyranny of President Obama and the unconstitutional power he wields like “a vicious African warlord” – very classy – and yet it was the previous President (George W. Bush, for those who’d effectively erased his name from their memory banks) and his administration who set up wiretapping without consent from the FISA courts, sat idly by while “Wall Street got drunk,” and sent well over 4,000 Americans to their untimely deaths in Iraq based on evidence about WMDs that a decade later remains about as “real” and “legit” as President Obama’s Kenyan birthplace.
Recently, one of the darlings of your T.P. movement – Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) – had his father give a speech on his behalf. And one aspect of Pastor Rafael Cruz’s speech was how he would like to, “send him back to Kenya.” In case you were wondering, the “him” is President Obama. In case you were also wondering, yes, what “Pastor” Cruz said was racist.
Now again – this time with feeling – you T.P. peeps have the right to dislike any politician, and you also have a right to vocalize that disdain, including and about President Barack Obama. But if you’re truly about facts, integrity, and love of country, then you need to stop with all the transparent lies and hypocrisies. Let’s look at the facts of the relationship between the Tea Party and President Obama and see just how from the very beginning this anger and disrespect was never about Obama’s policies, but rather about his appearance, a.k.a. His Blackness.
According to your own official website (teaparty.org) – on the “About Us” page – you TPers have been around for at least a decade, with the website up and running since early September, 2004. On this same page you also list your 15 Non-negotiable Core Beliefs; guiding principles that you believe make you better Americans and staunch supporters of both freedom and our beloved Constitution. Here are six of those Non-negotiable Core Principles listed in order as they appear on your site: #2. Pro-domestic employment is indispensable. #4. Special interests must be eliminated. #6. Government must be downsized. #7. The national budget must be balanced. #8. Deficit spending must end. #9. Bailout and stimulus plans are illegal.
If the Tea Party movement really feels these principles are that important, and if you guys have been around for at least the past ten years, then why didn’t you rear your enraged heads during the Bush Administration? Why did you only begin to make yourselves known across America in early 2009, less than one month after Barack Obama swore an oath to this nation as its 44th President?
During the Bush Administration, corporations shipped millions of jobs overseas to places like China and India, which goes against Number 2 on your non-negotiable list. Special interests ran rampant throughout all eight years of Bush and Cheney’s reign, hijacking both our political leaders and our banking and investing systems. Even now, your favorite son Senator Ted Cruz (R-Calgary) has his health plan through Goldman Sachs, which was the beneficiary of a massive bailout in September, 2008, courtesy of Bush and his then-Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson. These hard facts go against Numbers 4 and 9 on your list. The Bush Administration also increased the size of our government by a near-insane amount – can you say Department of Homeland Security – and added to our national debt by trillions (while simultaneously keeping the cost of the Iraq war off the budget books), which goes directly against Tea Party Core Principles, 6, 7, and 8. All of these facts are known to the American people. Now, the good news is most Americans are bright enough to know when they’re being fed a big pile of manure, yet here you guys are, feigning to the heavens how President Obama is to blame for all of the above issues, as though prior to January 20, 2009, our nation didn’t have a care in the world, other than fighting the “terrarists”. And let’s not forget the cost of human life the Bush Administration is responsible for when it demanded action in Iraq for non-existent WMDs, which led to more than 4,400 Americans dying and tens-of-thousands more of our soldiers coming home emotionally scarred, physically injured, or both – though apparently those last two figures pale in comparison to the murder of four Americans in Libya during President Obama’s watch (based on your unending Benghazi “outrage” for the cameras over at Fox *News Channel).
Major Tea party protests began within weeks of President Obama’s first term. In February, 2009, you guys held a protest decrying the TARP bailout bill and blamed Obama for its implementation, even though President Bush signed it into law the previous year. TPers also held a very public commemoration / protest on September 12th, 2009 in honor of the 9/11 attacks eight years earlier, many with signs questioning how a Muslim President (the guy from Kenya) could ever be elected in the wake of such horrific events. Nevermind that the Tea Party never held a single large-scale protest of the previous administration’s security failures or their failure to capture bin Laden. I guess you were too busy on September 11th and 12th, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008.
So what happened that made the TPers finally come out? Why stay quiet for several years, only to make yourselves known in the days following Barack Obama’s moving into the White House? And how could you be so upset with President Obama’s policies after less than three months in office? That simply isn’t enough time to know whether policies will be successes or failures, yet you folks immediately, and irrationally, deemed him with the latter, as though it were already written in stone.
Now maybe you’re still not convinced of your own racially-based stance against our current President; maybe you still need a bright white light shone on what has become so painfully obvious to the majority of Americans. Let’s remind you of what some of your other high-profile Tea Party leaders have said about the American President. Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Crazytown) has publically labeled Obama’s energy policy, “a tar baby,” as well as described the President himself as, “The Ghetto Gangsta”. Glenn Beck, when not crying or drawing on his chalkboard, has called President Obama, “a racist,” and “a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” Beck uttered this poisonous dreck on Fox *News Channel. Funnily enough, Rupert Murdoch, the man who owns Fox *News, is also a major financial contributor to the Tea Party and has provided major players within the party countless opportunities to come on his network to take verbal swipes at President Obama. Now, I would like to believe all these connected dots are little more than coincidence, and that there isn’t an actual coordinated, racially-based effort to embarrass the current President day-in-and-day-out. But since, like millions of freethinking Americans, I’m not an idiot, I have no choice but to see you TPers for what you’ve repeatedly proven to be: politically aligned racists who would rather shut down the federal government during the first black President’s time in office than make any mature or rational effort to actually repair damaged and failing aspects of said government. For a movement that proclaims to love our Democratic process so much, you sure cannot respect the fact that Barack Obama was elected twice to office by the American people; both times in near-landslide victories. Wouldn’t you be taken more seriously if you instead put efforts into electing adults to Congress who then honored our Founding Fathers by working hard to change policy and create new laws for our land, rather than sharing e-mails that depict the White House lawn as a watermelon patch? Doesn’t it make more sense to figure out ways to serve the American people with dignity and honor, rather than behave with petulance and bitterly trash our freely-elected President with protest signs that read everything from “Obama-nomics: Monkey See, Monkey Spend,” to “Obama’s Plan = White Slavery”?
Years from now it is a given that history will remind us that President Obama was the nation’s first African-American President, and perhaps it will even claim that he was an average President who had some successes and some failures. We’ll have to wait and see. But based on your own words and actions, TPers, there is little doubt history will be far less kind to you and to the ugly truth that motivated you to spend far too much time and effort disrespecting the President and the office which he so legitimately represents.
Irritated and onto you,
Dear Papal Conclave,
Well done, Vatican! Give yourselves a collective pat-on-the-back and have an extra cup of Christ’s blood tonight!
We just wanted to congratulate you on pushing the Catholic Church well into the 21st Century with the election of Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio as the new Pope, aka Pope Francis I, aka Frankie da First.
Sure you could have gone with a younger man (and by younger, we mean anyone born after Abe Vigoda), and someone whose religious beliefs don’t reflect the mentality of the Middle Ages, but instead you bucked the PC trends and selected an unmarried man in fancy clothes and red shoes who still condemns homosexuality as the work of the devil.
We applaud this defiant act, conclave, and greatly respect your sticking to your traditional values in the face of open-mindedness, progressiveness, and Bravo TV.
Proud of ya,
Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Mississippi
P.S., Given that Pope Francis I is Latin American, this doesn’t mean you’re gonna start serving the Eucharist with Tapatio, does it?
Dear Grimms’ Fairy Tales,
Congrats on your 200th Anniversary. Way to keep it light and playful.
Sleepless Children Everywhere
What up, number dude? I know I should totally know this, but I keep spacing on the answer. So can you remind me and my buds why April 20th is pretty much the official, most awesome day for pot-smokers everywhe…wait, hang on a sec. Lemme grab some Cheetos.
Distracted, hungry, and baked…
Dear Rabid Pro-Lifers,
Seems like there’s been an onslaught of “pro-life” legislation sweeping through America lately, not to mention even more folks turning to violence in the name of protecting “precious life.” And as a result of all this hardcore aggression, we’ve become confused.
Now we’re young and, as a result, a bit naive about such volatile subjects as abortion, but what the heck gives? Some of you more “passionate” types are really intent on making sure every pregnant woman gives birth, regardless of what may be best for the mom in question – with the belief being that every single life is truly sacred.
Yet we’ve been told by Our Father that in spite of the rah-rah / borderline psychotic support you show for those first few trimesters, you then seem to have no problem with lives in their 66th trimesters being sent off to war, or you appear apathetic about lives in their 139th trimesters starving because they lost their jobs due to other people using banks and Ponzi-schemes to rob them blind. You also seem less-than-concerned with the abuse that gray-haired lives in their 243rd trimesters often face by their so-called care-givers.
All we can deduce from this absolute lack of consistency on your part is that it really is all in the timing. So, given this hard fact of life, we’ve decided to finally speak up and demand that you “pro”-life fellas actually become pro-life for the vast, vast majority of our entire lives. Seems like it’s the fair and reasonable thing to do, don’t you think?
Okay, that’s enough for now. Thanks for greens, the vitamins, and the skipping of wine when offered. And by all means keep pumping in the classical music – we love that shit!
See ya soon,