Thank You, Vin Scully…

September 24, 2016 at 4:57 pm (Entertainers / Entertainment, The Sporting Life)

Vin Scully… As American sports broadcasters go, we’ve had many fantastic ones, but no one has been as near-perfect as Mr. Vin Scully. His play-by-play, his knowledge, and his story-telling are wonders to behold.

Through his love of baseball, his communities, and life itself, Vin Scully has proven for 67 years that no matter what our differences are, we can absolutely come together when we want to for something that connects us emotionally.

Whether you love baseball or not almost doesn’t matter. Here is a man who has spent decades doing exactly what he loves and doing it as well as anyone ever has. Scully is, literally, The Best.  The Dodgers organization would not be half of what it is without him.

And our nation and the sport of baseball has been all the better for the years he gave us…



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REVIEW: Nine Innings from Ground Zero

September 10, 2016 at 10:52 pm (The Sporting Life)

Nine Innings from Ground Zero

(A documentary film)

One of the best aspects of documentaries – be they short films or feature length – is their ability to both entertain and teach.  At just a little longer than an hour, one of my all-time favorite documentaries clocks in somewhere in between.  The film is called Nine Innings from Ground Zero and it is absolutely amazing!

Nine Innings from Ground Zero is – as you have likely guessed by now – about both the great horrors and heartbreaking tragedy of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, as well as about the Arizona Diamondbacks and New York Yankees World Series that was played a little more than one month after that fateful day in September, 2001.  And while you might think sports are incredibly trivial when placed beside such a cruel, difficult reality as the 9/11 attacks, this documentary will show you why that assumption is so incredibly wrong.  In truth, a series of seven baseball games has never meant more to the American spirit, both individually and as a collective nation.

Nine Innings from Ground Zero will make you cry, smile, clench your hands into tight fists, cry a little more, and by the end of its airing, it will remind you of all that is right with our country.  I’m reluctant to write too much here, hoping that you will instead take the well-invested hour or so to enjoy this emotional story filled with catharsis, empathy, grief, and resilience.  Ultimately, as the closing credits roll and you reach for a drink and a Kleenex, you’ll realize that while the ballgame’s result isn’t what matters, everything else in life – from community, courage, and family, to compassion, friendship, and respect – does so very much.

Take the time this weekend, or later this week, to watch this fascinating documentary.  It will stay with you for a very long time, and for all the best reasons.

Eric Frost-Barnes

[You can search for Nine Innings from Ground Zero on HBO, Amazon, or Netflix.  I’m not sure it’s available on all three providers, but one those is sure to carry it]


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Dear Muhammad Ali,

June 5, 2016 at 1:58 am (Entertainers / Entertainment, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dear Muhammad Ali (a.k.a. Cassius Clay, a.k.a. The Louisville Lip, a.k.a. the Greatest Of All Time),

THANK YOU for showing us mere mortals what greatness – and near perfection – actually looks like.  For allowing us to witness a fellow human being at the literal top of his game.

THANK YOU for being unique, outrageous, humble, bombastic, brilliant, verbose, fanciful, quick-witted, entertaining, and a real, genuine leader.

THANK YOU for never bowing to political pressure, societal pressure, or misguided external pressures – no matter how intense.

THANK YOU, Muhammad Ali, for always Being You…

Much love and respect,


Floating Butterflies & Stinging Bees

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Dear [giant douche] Ken Starr,

June 1, 2016 at 10:40 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, Politics, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , )

Dear Ex-Chancellor / President of Baylor U. Ken Starr,

Saw that you just resigned – amid wholly justified anger & pressure – from your positions as both Chancellor and President of Baylor University.  Guess not doing enough to protect female students from rape near campus does come with consequences – eventually.

If only there had been a way to connect former President Bill Clinton to those assaults, then maybe your head would have come out of that warm Texan sand a bit quicker, right?

See that you’re likely to remain at Baylor in a “teaching capacity”.  Will you be instructing young minds in the Art of Hypocrisy?  Perhaps your guidance will cover Political/Sexual Witchhunts 101.

While I’m deeply disappointed, I’m not the least bit surprised by your (in)actions.




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Top Marketing Ideas for the Los Angeles Clippers Season

April 26, 2014 at 9:35 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , )

{Memo from NBA Clippers owner Donald Sterling concerning the 2014 – 2015 season and new, fun ways to market his team}


These are my top ideas for how to fully capitalize on the 2014 – 2015 season, and shine a bright, white light on the Clippers.

D. Sterling

Idea 1: “Associate with an African-American Night.”  I think this could be an interesting way for us to prove we’re not afraid to associate with them [the blacks].  I would still prefer they [people of color] not be allowed to attend the games, but if we’re able to convey our willingness to be associated, then this could go a long way toward us eventually tolerating them [maybe].

Idea 2: “Pre-Game TED Talks featuring Cliven Bundy and Phil Robertson.”  I believe mixing athletics with inspirational speakers could be a terrific way to enlighten the masses as to why older, white men are truly the definitive example when it comes to exceptionalism.

Idea 3: “Free Cotton-Picking Candy Night.”  Self explanatory.

Idea 4: “Kiss Cams featuring Couples of Mixed Race.”  By “mixed,” I mean wealthy, white men and their much, much younger mistresses.

Idea 5: “Half-Time Lectures on the True Meaning of Ownership.”  Again, this should be self-explanatory.

Idea 6: “Post-Game Screenings of Glory, Roots, and 12 Years a Slave.”  In my opinion, when people leave the venue happy and with smiles on their faces, they’re far more likely to become repeat customers / fans.  Besides, who doesn’t love a good comedy?

I’d like to get your thoughts on these suggestions asap.

Your owner / boss-man,


Donald Sterling

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WTF, I.O.C.?

February 14, 2013 at 4:41 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , , , )

Dear IOC (International Olympic Committee),

We saw the news about your panel’s recent decision to cut Olympic Wrestling from the upcoming 2020 Olympic games! 

How can this be?  Wrestling dates back to the Ancient Games and was one of the founding, elemental competitions that brought warring nation’s together for peace through sport.   You IOCers claim that Wrestling doesn’t bring in the ratings and is no longer as relevant as the newer sports?  Please, didn’t you guys see Vision Quest?  It’s freaking awesome!

And when we say “ancient” we mean it.  Wrestling was first a part of the Olympic Games back in 708 B.C.!  It predates Basketball and Rowing, and Table Tennis and Diving.  For goodness sake, Wrestling predates P.E.D.s and doping scandals!

We understand why you’d get rid of Tug of War (1900-1920), but Olympic Wrestling is a fundamental sport; pitting two men entwined by their limbs, using their brute strength and physical prowess to outwit and out maneuver one another.  Seems like the Bravo channel or Logo would be more than happy to air this sport.

Anyway, we’re seriously disappointed by this, I.O.C.  Please reconsider.  And for Heaven’s sake, don’t replace Wrestling with something totally lame like golf.   Or golf.



The Greeks

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MEMO to Chris Culliver of the S.F. 49ers:

February 4, 2013 at 3:43 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Attn: Chris Culliver (Cornerback for the San Francisco 49ers & Homophobe for the Mentally Deficient)

Dear Chris Culliver,

Watched the Superbowl Sunday night and watched you get repeatedly schooled by the Baltimore receivers.

What gives?  Even Beyonce made fewer errors than you.  Maybe if you had spent less time bashing The Gays and more time working on your skills you wouldn’t have been embarrassed on the national stage.

Oh well, hang in there – It Gets Better.

In the meantime, while Raven players are polishing their rings and taking interviews from various sports channels, maybe you could go out now and “get schooled” in a far more productive way: through sensitivity training and classes in tolerance.

Deep sincerity,



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Psst, Lance Armstrong…

January 16, 2013 at 3:47 pm (Daily Headaches and Rage Inducers, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Psst, Lance…?

Down here.  Dude, enough with all the bullshit and lies.  Just come clean and shut the F up, and then disappear for a while.  Take a vacation or something; maybe enjoy a walking tour of France.

Honestly, we’ve grown exhausted from all the pressure.  Cancer was more fun than this!

Hibernation begins now,


Your Balls

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Dear Metta World Peace / Ron Artest,

April 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm (The Sporting Life) (, , , , , , , , )

Dear Ron Artest,

Sorry, Ron, but you don’t get to call yourself Metta World Peace when your behavior is more like a combination of Mike Tyson and the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.  Seriously, you make Charlie Sheen appear stable.  You’re like the anti-Dalai Lama when you’re playing basketball, which would be fine, if you didn’t want to be called Metta World Peace.

William Shakespeare once wrote, “What’s in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.”  Well, that universal truth applies to you, too, Ron Artest.  You could go by Mr. Nice Guy or Lots-O’-Huggin’ Bear, but your fairly consistent spasms of violence would still give you away.

Bottom line is people don’t think of Metta or peace when you’re throwing elbows, fists, and insults like a UFC cage fighter with Tourettes.

So here’s the deal, Ron.  You can go back to Ron Artest, and we’ll happily call you that, but no more with the “peace and love” rubbish.  It’s not you.  Now if you want to officially change your name again to The Player Formerly Known as Metta World Peace, well, we can live with that.  Or if you’d prefer Bat-Shit Crazy, we can get behind that, too.  Long as you understand that Metta World Peace is off the books, once-and-for-all.

Okay, Ron, that’s all for now.  Please understand where we’re coming from.  And please don’t beat us up.



Anxious NBA Fans Everywhere

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Um, Christina Aguilera?

February 7, 2011 at 7:44 pm (Entertainers / Entertainment, The Sporting Life) (, , , , , )

Dear Ms. Aguilera,

Watched the Super Bowl and really enjoyed rooting for them Packers – go cheeseheads!

But if you don’t mind me offering up a humble critique, I would suggest that the next time you’re asked to sing your country’s national anthem, you may wanna LEARN ALL THE FUCKING WORDS!!!

Seriously, Christina.  You’ve got great pipes and a nice voice, too, but if you can remember the lyrics to your own crappy songs, not to mention your lines from that shit-fest Burlesque, it seems like you can get a handle on “The Star-Spangled Banner!”

You’ve got money, right?  At the very least, buy yourself a teleprompter like Obama, or scribble the words on your hands like that nit-wit Palin.



Francis Scott Key

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